I read this pretty great post last week about trying to talk to someone about feminism and it basically summed up the types of responses men and even some women give in regard to feminism today. It can be so incredibly frustrating to try to explain feminism to someone who refuses to listen and offers awful contrary opinions to your own (although you can basically say this about any argument). Yet with feminism, because the movement has been in flux for years (arguably starting with the women’s suffragette movement) many people have actually commented to me that feminism is “over,” a sentiment reflected in this post’s generic “man” response. So, how do you talk to someone who believes that women are doing just fine?
Then I came across another article that argues that feminists are not responsible for educating men. This was really interesting to read and I would love to hear some responses from our other bloggers and readers on the subject.
Do we owe it to ourselves and our daughters and future daughters to educate men about feminism? Or do we rely on the men who question and derail our progress to figure it out on their own? Personally I tend to argue my point of view as long as my audience is willing to listen. When it comes to contrary opinions (for any argument) it is obviously difficult, but in civil discourse, I’d rather not shirk away from my beliefs. Yet, the idea that men rely on women to educate them about feminism is new territory for me and unlike any other confrontation. I found the end of the article to be the most poignant, the writer argues:
Spending time and energy nurturing men through their journey of self-discovery is not only incredibly dull, it actually serves to reinforce existing power dynamics and keeps us from collectivizing as women and enacting real change.
My advice to men who genuinely wish to learn about feminism is this: read and listen to the voices of women when they explain what misogyny feels like and how it operates. Never ask women to find resources for you; seriously, get a library card. Or the internet. Don’t interrupt to disagree or derail by using individual examples of women in positions of power or instances of what you see as “reverse sexism” (here’s a hot tip: “misandry” isn’t a real thing.)
To paraphrase Audre Lorde:When people of colour are expected to educate white people as to their humanity, when women are expected to educate men, lesbians and gay men are expected to educate the heterosexual world, the oppressors maintain their position and evade their responsibility for their own actions.
So what do you think? Are we responsible for educating others about feminism? Or is that actually counteractive?
L
MT
lnicolaison
TwoEesforMee
The Women's Studies Dropout 
March 7, 2014 at 4:01 am
I wrote this whole comment, and when I hit publish it disappeared. mehhhhhh. I will return to try another day when I feel less defeated.
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March 10, 2014 at 9:12 pm
Thanks for posting this. The question whether XX group is responsible for educating others is quite interesting. My first reaction was yes, but then I realized that's pretty messed up. There must be some compromise solution, but I need to stew on the issue some more. Looking forward to L's lost comment!
(PS: L, I feel your pain. When writing my many comments on your Bossypants post I accidentally hit “log out” instead of publish . . . had to write it all over again.)
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March 12, 2014 at 8:35 pm
I can't remember everything I wanted to say about this but
(1) Yes! I find these situations so agonizing/frustrating. I acknowledge on one practical hand in an sort of awareness and anti-oppression work you have to make an effort to see things from others' perspectives, educate and persuade. But (2) Women are not responsible for educating men; just like black people are not responsible for educating racist people; Islamic people are not responsible for educating prejudiced biggots who think they are all terrorists. I purposely say it in this way, because an oppressed group/wronged party cannot be 'responsible' for altering the views and behaviors of an oppressor/abuser, because they fundamentally don't really how the power to enact the change. Sure 'educating'/challenging/confronting the oppressor might help, but the 'educatee' needs to bring something MAJOR to the table: the willingness to learn. The educatee need to be open and willing to consider that his/her views are not the ultimate truth and that there are other valuable views and facts to consider. The power to change his/her mind ultimately remains with them. I also really agree with the article's point that demanding the oppressed to educate their oppressors “actually serves to reinforce existing power dynamics.” Again the oppressed party's effort are all expected to be in the service of the oppressor when they really don't have the power to enact the fundamental change that's needed.
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March 12, 2014 at 8:41 pm
(2) Well I kind of already said this, but my point about the educatee needing to bringing openmindedness and a sincere interest in learning to the table is really why I think these conversations with people/men where they demand to be educated are so frustrated. Most of the time they are not really interested it an honest, open conversation or in learning anything new . . . it is just becomes a power play where they try to knock down your arguments and poke holes in your logic so (a) they feel better about themselves and (b) they can practice convincing themselves of all the 'reasonable' reasons why their perspective is right. They are not interested in making a good faith effort to see alternative perspectives. Such conversations are a waste of time in my opinion, unless you are doing recon on all the ridiculous counter-arguments people are going to throw at you on a particular issue. I am truly at a loss as to how to reach closed-minded and insincere people like this.
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